Hello again everyone, not much to report on. Only a few more weeks of school left before break. Next weekend I have a jazz festival, then the weekend after that I have a Wind Orchestra concert. Then that week is finals week then I am home. yay. get to see weefle!!

rawr.

I don't even know why I am writing in this anymore. Nobody reads it. Oh well.

I am ashamed with myself. I hate myself for what I did. I hurt and alienated an important friend of mine. I will never forgive myself for what I did. I wish I should go back and do it all over agian. I piece of me has died. I am only part of a person now.

I am sorry for everthing I everything I have done wrong.

Last night David, Derrick, and I walked into town to go see Constantine. I was actually a pretty good movie. Awesome special effects and a interesting story. It was also one giant ain't cigarette comerical which was pretty funny. Over all it was worth seeing. Will make you jump at times and other parts are pretty intense. So if you are in the mood for something like that might think about seeing it. At least I got out for once. *rolls eyes*

http://images.ucomics.com/comics/ft/2005/ft050221.gif

Well concert went very well last night. We didn't have any major screwups. hehe. We almost had one but managed to get back on track. The jazz combo was great!! Awesome guitar playing. The UJB1 was awesome too. They had a quest arist, Bruce Foreman. Over all it was a lot of fun. Add dinner with the parents and david at a mexican place. My mom, as usual, managed to sweak in some story from my childhood. *rolls eyes*. Had breakfast at some little cafe type place. I had waffles with fruit and yogurt and whipcream. YUM!! My parents brought me a bunch of magazine (mainly computer related) from home, a new t-shirt, a broken laptop, rice, cookies, and oranges. hehe. Lots of fun stuff to play with. Well today will be spent fixing laptop, doing hw, programming, and hopefully time to play some games. Well adios amigos.

SOrry, not post yesterday, totally forgot about it. I might do one late tonight after the concert.

Thank you Lauren so much for the help last night!!

Magical Trevor 2!!!!! POOF!!
Annoying!! YAY
Chocolate!! YUM
This reminds me of weefle because he is soooo obsessed with this tennis balls.

Joke Page #1
Joke Page #2
Joke Page #3

What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?

1. Vibrato.
2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.

Why are trombone players better lovers? Well, trumpet players do it with three fingers, baritone players do it with four fingers, but trombone players do it in seven positions!

Kenny G walks into an elevator and says, "Man, this place is HAPPENING!"

What is the dynamic range of the bass trombone? On or off.

It is difficult to trust anyone whose instrument changes shape as he plays.



BAND NERD FOR LIFE!!! Everyone show some band pride!!

Well nothing reall exciting to write about today and i haven't gotten any requests from readers. So today in Chemisty we learn about Latice Energies, Band Energies, and some other weird crap about ionic compounds and bond length.

Someone in band today was wearing a t-shirt that said "FHorn Star". Good ol' band humor.

Boooo Victor and David didn't have dinner ready when I got home from band. :( My stomach is yelling at me.

I would just like to put a shout out to all single people out there!! We need to organize a day for us. None of this holiday for couples. The only thing that is good about valentines day for single people is you might get some candy. Oh well, sick of the red, the hearts, and the whole valentines day thing. It is over people. Stop wearing all red.

Anyways. RAIN!!! The weather that helps clean the world. I love it. I love running around in the rain. Looking up and having it splatter all over my face. Just so magical and refreshing. One thing I always wanted to do was run around in the rain with my significant other until we are all soaked and goofing off. Then have a long long long kiss in the rain. That would be magical. Of course then would come back inside and share bodily warmth *shifty eyes*. Plus I think it look sexy when women with wet hair especially from the rain. I am just strange like that.

Well I think it is my turn to cook dinner tonight. Fettucini Alfredo with Peas and Ham. YUMMMMMY IN MY TUMMMMY.

*sigh* life.

[Since I don't have you]

I don't have plans and schemes,
And I don't have hopes and dreams.
I don't have anything,
Since I don't have you.


And I don't have fond desires,
and I don't have happy hours.
I don't have anything,
Since I don't have you.


Happiness, and I guess,
I never will again.
When you walked out on me,
In walked ol' misery,
And he's been here since then.


I don't have love to share,
And I don't have one who cares.
I don't have anything,
Since I don't have you.
You, you, you, oh, oh!
You, you, you, oh, oh!
You, you, you, oh, oh!
You, you, you, oh, oh!
You, you, you, oh yeah!


Sorry, I was doing better that past few days, but I am having a little relapse at the time of this post.

Well Valentines day. Another holiday for large companies to make lots of money on. I guess it is good for our economy. meh. I don't have much to say right now. Have a chemistry test in a little bit which I haven't studied at all for. Why can't there be a holiday where instead of everything being pink and red, everything could be ORANGE!!! THAT would be a great holiday. Hmm.... I have to start thinking of what classes I am going to take next quarter. What ever I can get into probably. Ramble Ramble Ramble. Hmmm.... I haven't had a good rant in a long time. What do all my readers want me to rant about?

p.s. Happy Valentines Day Maya. Even if I can't be your Valentine, you are mine in my heart everyday.

And instead of the normal cute pink hearts for Valentines day I am going to put up pictures of real hearts. Have fun with these Maya:

Well this is Valentines day week(end)ish. By my calculations I figure I have a less than a 1/18 chance of this being a good one. So far in my 19 year life span I have had a whooping 1 good Valentines day. That was last year. (Fresh Choice ;-) ) Other than that, every year has most or less sucked. I was one of those kids who got only a couple pieces of candy in their little bag when they used to do those things in class. One year (6th or 7th grade) my sister got hit by a car on her bike on the way to school. The rest were spent just wollowing in my own aloneness. Also hate all those valentines specials they have on tv with the more romatic episodes of tv shows, or the have really stupid made for tv movies. Yuck. Valentines day is one of the most discrimanatory holiday. It is great for those with somebody, and sucks for those who are alone.

Lauren had this song as her away message yesterday. It is a good song, we played it last year in Jazz Band. Thank you Lauren for reminding me of it.

I've got you under my skin:

I’ve got you under my skin
I’ve got you deep in the heart of me
So deep in my heart, that you’re really a part of me
I’ve got you under my skin

I’ve tried so not to give in
I’ve said to myself this affair never will go so well
But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well
That I’ve got you under my skin

I’d sacrifice anything come what might
For the sake of having you near
In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night
And repeats, repeats in my ear

Don’t you know you fool, you never can win
Use your mentality, wake up to reality
But each time I do, just the thought of you
Makes me stop before I begin
’cause I’ve got you under my skin

In keeping with this Valentines day season, here is something I found on the CalPoly website:

SWE T-shirts

Dog of the weekend: Basset Hound

Addition to post:

I just finished watching Napolean Dynamite. HHAHAA, I like it a lot. Strange movie, but lots of good laughs. Feel good ending. VOTE FOR PEDRO!! haha. See it if you haven't. You will either like it or hate it. I liked it.

I was bored on Tuesday so I took an extensive online personality profile. Yeah I am weird like that. Oh well, it is an interesting read. I agree with most of it, a couple thing I don't agree with 100%. But still maybe gives you inside into my strange mind.

By analyzing your answers to the Relationship Questionnaire we have created the following Personality Profile. Everyone has a set of subconscious wants and desires that drive their choices and attitudes. By asking you questions about a wide range of emotional issues, this report has established general patterns in your values. Some of the following information may seem inaccurate or incomplete. Remember, that this profile is a snapshot of your personality at a specific moment. It is not intended as an in-depth analysis of your complete being, but as a tool to aid in self-discovery.

• You are a good friend and are always willing to help those you consider to be your friends. You also show strong ties, and will be uncomfortable when separated from your friends for an extended period.

• You tend to be loyal to others. Your loyalty shows in a variety of ways including your "staying power" with relationships and activities.

• You have a basic need to be supportive of others. You will agree with others, sometimes even if it's not what you really want.

• You may demonstrate positive possessiveness by developing strong attachments; however, you will not be overly involved as some others tend to do.

• You tend to dislike sudden or abrupt changes. You prefer things the way they are. Your motto might be: "If it's not broken, don't fix it."

• You tend to be a traditionalist, and will enjoy the social environment best if it is stable and predictable. You dislike sudden decisions about where to go or what to do, preferring to think things out first.

• Because of your lenient and complacent nature, others with fewer scruples may take advantage of you. You could, perhaps, benefit from greater assertiveness.

• Others may perceive you as being undemonstrative and self-controlled. Not wanting to be the center of attention, you generally support others.

• You prefer a warm, friendly environment free of conflict and hostility. In that environment, you prefer reassurance of your involvement and self-worth.

Each person has a unique way of communicating. We use a combination of body language, facial expression, verbal tone and word choice to share ourselves with others. The following statements offer a look at the natural behavior you bring to an interpersonal relationship.

• You tend to internalize conflict. As a result, if something about another is bothering you, you may bottle-up feelings and keep them inside.

• In communicating with others, you may support the mainstream ideas rather than new trailblazing activities. You may prefer the stable and traditional activities.

• You have a communications style which many people are comfortable with almost immediately. You are sincere, a good listener, not pushy and overall a comfortable person to be near.

• In your group, you may support the group leader rather than vie for a leadership position yourself. As a result, the group leader will usually appreciate the support you bring.

• Others will notice that you are a sincere person about what you say and do. This trait, along with the excellent listening skills, creates an individual whom most people find pleasant to be with and a calming type of person.

Many different factors determine the communication styles with which you are most comfortable. Some individuals thrive on the challenge of pointed criticism, while others are at their best in a nurturing environment where criticism is offered as a suggestion for improvement. Each of us has a unique set of requirements and preferences. Below is a list of communication styles that will mesh well with your own. Having a partner who understands and practices these traits is important to your long-term happiness.

• Provide solid, tangible, practical ideas and evidence.

• Take time during explanations.

• Work to achieve mutual satisfaction.

• Allow time to ask questions.

• Ask "How" questions to draw out opinions.

• Move casually, informally.

• Take time to be certain that you reach an agreement.

• Provide personal support and assurance.

• Show sincere interest as a person.

• Start with a personal comment to "break the ice."

• Find areas of common interest and involvement.

• Support ideas for change with facts, figures and logic.

Following are some of the specific strengths and/or personal characteristics that you bring to a relationship. These may form the foundations of many of your friendships and dealings with other people. Some will seem obvious, but you may be surprised by others. Take a moment to reflect on each and consider what role it may have played in your past successes, and even failures.

• You tend to work hard at making sure that other people are happy.

• You are generally good at cooling down tense situations in a relationship.

• You are very sincere in actions and words.

• You are generally very patient with people.

• You are a dependable and caring partner.

• You tend to be a very calming influence in heated situations.

• You are good at helping others people to reach their goals.

• You are very respectful of the needs and wants of other people.

• You are excellent at listening to your partner.

• You tend to bring feelings of security and stability to a relationship.

• You are good at reconciling (i.e. you don't like to sulk after a conflict is resolved).

In general, human beings are defined by their needs and individuals by their wants. Your emotional wants are especially important when establishing with whom you are compatible. While answering the Relationship Questionnaire you established a pattern of basic, subconscious wants. This section of the report was produced by analyzing those patterns. Our wants change as we mature and obtain our life goals. You may find it valuable to revisit this section periodically to see how your wants have changed. You may want:

• Straight talk and straight dealing.

• Time to react to new ideas and sudden change.

• Opportunity for privacy and to be alone occasionally.

• Respect among peers and friends for your quiet manner.

• Sound relationships which form naturally, and are not contriving or scheming.

• Time away occasionally--you value your privacy.

• Scheduled activities with no haphazard or unplanned activity.

• Objectivity and logic in relationships and activities.

• Others to present their ideas and information in a logical order.

• A predictable environment with few surprises that are not "planned."

• Peace and harmony.

• Time and opportunity to weigh pros and cons of decisions.

Here is an article that was in our daily campus newspaper. I am a nerdy engineer so I thought it would be appropriate considering the time of the year.

Engineers deserve a little love on V-Day

I love engineering. I absolutely love them.
And how lucky am I that there are 4,500 on campus?
I cannot explain my fascination. But there's something so practical -- yet sexy -- about graph paper, calculators and organized backpacks. Behind those carefully sketched math problems are powerful brains at work -- so detailed, so complex and so
enigmatic.
The engineer seems to harness the power of the universe into practical use -- like electricity, automobiles and flushable toilets. Without them, we'd have no telephones, no airplanes, no infrastructure, no calculators, and no one to manufacture high
heels.
So it breaks my heart when I see lonely engineering students wander between labs and classes, neglected and under appreciated by the opposite sex. How can we not be grateful for all the calculus, circuit theory and heat transfer classes they must endure so that we can turn on a computer? Such dedication warrants a little admiration.I am not alone in my thinking. My Aunt Susie, who married my uncle Larry, and electrical engineer and Cal Poly graduate, firmly believes that engineers make the best husbands.
"Most guys are boring," she said. "But engineers have very active minds and a lot of neat ideas. You don't have to worry that they'll become couch potatoes. Their higher energy drive makes the sex better and the romance more interesting."
And they're incredibly useful; whatever you break, they'll find some way to fix, she said. This work ethic has its benefits in relationships as well.
"They don't run away from problems," said Allison Jantos, a graphic design senior who has dated a materials engineer for three years. "They need to fix them -- that's their major."
Engineers also seems to arrange very creative dates, Jantos said. On one occasion, Jantos' boyfriends gave her a distorted piece of metal wire and instructed her to put it in a boiling pot of water. Once it reached a higher temperature, she was delighted to see that the metal wire (which was shape memory alloy) turned into a big heart.
Engineers love to improve the world and they also love to improve their girlfriends or boyfriends by giving them purposeful gifts. CalPoly journalism graduate Jenniger Robbins, who has dated an aeronautical engineer for five years, once received a pair of
docks and tennis shoes for a birthday.
"In its own way, it's more special than diamond earrings," Robbins said. "The thought really counts. He took time to think about what I really needed."
But perhaps engineers' most appealing quality is their unusual commitment to their significant other, Aunt Susie said."They're more dedicated," she said. "You don't have to worry that they'll ogle over someone else."
At hearing this, Uncle Larry piped in with a nerdy grin: "That's true, we're very good at cross-beneficial analysis," he said. "The quickest way to become poor is to become divorced." You have to appreciate their uncanny wit too.
But engineers aren't perfect. The women dating them said that some struggle to communicate their emotions and needs (with the exception of some, especially female, engineers), and will often neglect their significant other while spending endless hours
in the lab or studying. However, I've found that the tumultuous amount of work engineers do, makes them truly appreciate the people and the time they spend outside of school.
So if you're lonely this Feb.14 and need a Valentine, go scan the library and labs and find an engineer, who will surely craft you an original -- if not practical -- day.

Well I am bored and have some time before my first class today, so I thought I would write about what I have been learning in school.

MU221 Jazz Styles: Today is my midterm in this class. This class is my favorite before the subject matter is cool and the class isn't hard. I have learned about lot of things about jazz artists that I didn't know. So far my favorite artists that we have covered are Art Tatum, Count Basie, and Thelonius Monk. Well actually all of them awesome. Here is a link to the schedule of what we are learning: Schedule. Lauren you would have fun in this class. Look, we get to listen to Moanin'!

CHEM124: This class kinda sucks. There is quite a bit of work to do, like lab write ups and such. We just finished learn about atomic theory, quantum numbers, line spectra, etc.. 1s2s2p3s3p4s3d...... Now we are moving to bonding, covalent, ionic, and metalic. Have a mini lab today.

BIO213: I have mixed feelings about this class. There is no homework in the class which is nice. Sometimes the subject matter is interesting and sometimes I am ready to fall asleep (sorry maya). My friend and I left half way through yestedays lecture but it was boring. We were going through in excruciation detail the process of photosythesis. The teacher good, but i dunno we just were falling sleep.

ENGR213: This is the compainion class to BIO213. Every two weeks we have a different lecturer. All sort os random topic related to bioengineering. My feelings about that class really depend on the subject matter and the teacher. So far I would give this class a C grade.

CSC206: This is the follow up class to last quarters CPE205. Haha, what can I say about this class. Umm.... die. Everyone in the class hates going to it. So much work to do for such a little result. My team is tottally not organized and it hurts my grade. Some members of my team (8 people total on team) are cool, some are annoying. Plus this is my early 8am class that goes until 11am, half lecture, half lab. Our teacher is boring as hell, and does give us great directions about stuff. We do a lot of self learning. oh well. One possitive thing about the class is that I have learned a lot.

Jazz Band: Jazz band is pretty cool. We have a good set of music and the band is pretty nice. It is different being in a smaller big band. Not in a bad way, just different. The best player in the band (besides yours truly ,haha, jk) is our piano player. She can solo like a mofo. We have a concert not this weekend but the weekend after. Too bad it was scheduled on the three day weekend, it would have been nice to come home and see my puppies and some friends. I guess that will have to wait until later.

Wind Orchestra: I am not a big fan of our set of music this time. Two of the songs are somewhat fun, the rest are more woodwind pieces. The other bass trombonist is a cool guy. We just sit and talk like trombonists the whole rehersal like graham and I used to do. Make fun of the woodwinds and the director, laugh about wanting a third lung (long story). haha.

Well that is all my classes. Most of the rest of the time is spend sleeping, eatting, or on my computers. Ahh the like of a computer science major.

Feel free to comment of what ever (YES COMMENT PLEASE, feed my ego/self esteem). Anything part of my college life you want me to write about?

A quote that is in our band room:

"Music expresses that which can not be said in words and on which it is impossible to be silent"

Wow, that is a deep quote. It reminds me of a certain thing I feel.

Another I saw somewhere:
"something is truly beautiful when there is absolutely nothing that can taint the feelings you get from seeing it"

love is beautiful



On a completely different note:


The Top 13 Reasons to Go to Work Naked

# Your boss is always yelling "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"

# Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

# Inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources.

# "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."

# To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.

# You want to see if it's like the dream.

# So that -- with a little help from Muzak -- you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.

# Splattering grease from deep fryer is really hard to get out of your uniform.

# People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.

# Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned.

# Because setting the nation's monetary policy and keeping Andrea Mitchell satisfied requires a delicate balance.

# Keeps that snooty Ruth Bader-Ginsberg on her toes.

and the Number 1 Reason to Go to Work Naked...

# Because the President insists when Hillary's out of town.

I need someone to hold me and tell me I am going to be ok. I need someone to dry my tears as the rolls down my checks. I need someone to lean on.

[ Lean on Me ]

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have things you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you don't let show

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me

So just call on me brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'd understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on

If found this poem online today and I liked it, interpret as you like:

You been part of me since that first day.
You're in my thoughts and my dreams
You are in every breath I take
and every single move I make.

I see you when I close my eyes.
The way you look and how you move.
I know it is my love that I must prove.
Our joyful memories I will replay
And how much I love you in every way.

I know when you been in the room
By the fragrance of your presence.
I feel that time is of the essence.
Passion coursing through my veins.
Looking forward to the time that still remains.

You're in my thought in every way
In my mind, in the words I say
In my soul, in how I pray,

I am thankful for the day we met
I am sure that my love for you I will never regret..
You are the spirit of my love
and the passion that rains from above.

In my emotions that been freed
In the devotions to you I feed.

No, this is not the man I was
More the man that I want to be
To be there for you always to see.

And let the love within me grow
You are my monumental love I feel
And hidden feelings that I know.
The ones that I buried deep and let go

The soulful fountain of my heart.
That sprang forth from our desires could never let us part.

When I gazed upon your beauty
The mirror of my desires.
it started to burst my heart into a sonnet of fires.
Afraid to say I love you,
until you said you loved me first.
For fear of your feelings for me just burst.

Your name is etched upon my heart.
Your beauty in my eyes.
That is something I could not disguise.

Should I tell you how I feel
And let my love be revealed.
Like a gambler who shows emotion
Bets on the hearts of his potion.

From your lips the words flowed out
How I wanted to jump and shout.
You held me in your arms and
conformed me in your heart.

I stand in emotional Abyss
Scared you can't commit.
Wavering in my thoughts.
Will you say or will you not?

Living on love sweet potion
My heart raging like the ocean
I hear the echo of your words
And launch myself into motion.

You fit me like a perfect glove,
Your heart is the target of
all my love.

Hello once again everyone, I am bored so I thought I try and write something. Nothing too exciting has been going on around here, about as much as your can expect from school. I have almost 0 homework to do which is nice. I didn't do jack yesterday. Mostly sat played games, watch tv, talk to friends etc. Schooled roommated in ut2004 for a while. I have a jazz styles midterm of Wednesday and a Software Engineering II midterm of Tuesday.

I want a convertible so I can go cruising on a cool summers evening on the open road. hehe. That would be fun.

Dog of the weekend: Boston Terriers

POLL: What is your dream car? Mine is a early 70s Corvette Stringray Convertable, dark gree.

*Song playing rignt now: AEROSMITH - "Angel"

Friday!! wh00t wh00t. Have class until 2pm, then DARPA meeting from 5-7pm then home to play games or whatever.

Dog of the day: Mutt. Black head, white body. Part Jack Russell Terrier.

Here is a quote I hear from someone today, I thought it was kinda funny, weird, and in someways true:

"Show me someone who has everything they want, and I'll show you someone who doesn't give a shit about anyone else."

Strange quote. hehe. Found it on so random website.

Already have to get laundry and then go to bed soon.

First best friend: Sean Zupan (loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time ago)
First car: 88' Honda Accord "Old Smokey" was unoffically mine.
First break-up: Maya
First screen name: weefleboy
First self purchased album: hmm... first one I can remember would be Aerosmith collection
First funeral: Grandfather on my dad's side
First pets: Willie!!!!
First piercing/tattoo: nothing
First credit card: Wells Fargo Platinum
First true love: Maya (first and current and for a while)
First enemy: Umm... i dunno. I scared people sometimes.
First big trip: East coast for a few weeks.
First music you remember hearing: Basilian music played on old records.
Last cigarette: I don't smoke
Last car ride: last sunday to buy food
Last good cry: One day sometime in the past two weeks.
Last library book checked out: Haven't for a looong time.
Last movie seen: Ray (kinda wish I hadn't now) good movie.
Last beverage drank: OJ what else.
Last food consumed: Quesadilla
Last crush: Maya
Last phone call: Maya
Last shoes worn: Reebok running shoes.
Last item bought: Soap for shower.
Last annoyance: Last nights software engineering hw.
Last time wanting to die: When I haven't nothing left to life for.
Last time scolded: Umm... Maya bitching at me for something I did probably.

Relationships
Who are your best friends?: Maya, Lauren, Brice, Jason, david, victor. etc...
Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no, but I want to be with the person I love.

Stuff
Where is your favorite place to shop?: Compusa
Any tattoos or piercings? nope.

Specifics
Do you do drugs?: nope. drugs can be expensive
What kind of shampoo do you use?: what is ever on sale.
What are you most scared of?: Losing the person I love. Heights.
What are you listening to right now?: Latin Jazz. soothes the soul.
Where do you want to get married?: no idea.
How many buddies are online right now?: 13
What would you change about yourself?: More self confidence. Better looks. No more stuttering. Actually probably a little of everything. who wouldn't? Nobody thinks I am perfect the way I am.

Favorites
Color: Orange, duh
Food: PB$J sandwhiches. pasta. yogurt.
Boys' names: I like my name.
Girls' names: Take a wild guess.
Subjects in school: Band. Computers.
Animals: PUPPIES!!
Perfume: Maya always smelled good. Something not overpowering where I get light headed.


Have you ever...
Given anyone a bath?: I know someone I want to *grin* I have if weelfe counts.
Smoked?: no.
Bungee jumped?: nope
Made yourself throw up?: I faked a sickness once.
Skinny dipped?: .... no
Been in love?: YES!!! Very very deeply.
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: no
Pictured your crush naked?: At least a few times a day.
Actually seen your crush naked?: Somewhat.
Cried when someone died?: no, I didn't cry when my grandpa died for some reason. I wanted to though.
Lied?: White lies mostly. I hate lieing to people close to me. Not fair to them.
Fallen for your best friend? Yes. very much so.
Been rejected?: Yes, by her sort of. I hurts a lot.
Rejected someone?: Not that I know of.
Used someone?: umm.... don't think so. I don't know if anyone used me intentionally.
Done something you regret?: Yes, not confessing my feelings sooner. I was about 2-3 weeks off my timing.

Current
Clothes: shorts and thsirt
Music: quiet
Make-up: I am a guy
Annoyance: him, you know who I am talking about. sorry. that is just the way I feel.
Smell: neutral
Desktop picture: Maya in the stands at a football game. She looks so cute and beautiful.
DVD in player: empty
Color of toenails: blank

Last person...
You touched: Maya
Hugged: Maya
You imed: Maya
You kissed: Maya, four in a row, wow. I love you Maya. You mean the world to me. I do my best to keep us at least friends forever. More if you let me E> haha.


Who do you wanna...
Kill: please the fifth. No one I ACTUALLY want to kill. Someone I would rather not being around anymore though. :Slap: Myself.
Get high with: Maya, I think you would be funny to see drunk/high
Look like: umm... I dunno.
Talk to offline: Maya
Talk to online: Maya

Which is better?
Coke or Pepsi: OJ
Flowers or candy: Both good gifts.
Tall or short: SHORT!!!!!! :-D

Random
In the morning I am: not sure I can't sense anything.
Love is: When you value everything about someone more than the whole rest of the world. When that person is the first thing you think about in the morning. The last thing about bed. And the person in your dreams. Love is never giving up on loving them. Love is incredibly powerful. Love to me is the most amazing woman in the world. Maya. Love is not something that can be completely explain/expressed using just words. It takes every part of your body and soul.
What do you notice first with guys/girls: guys: Girls: Eyes/Hair, then boobs then butt. then Guys: umm... dunno.
Last person you danced with: Emily
Worst question to ask: Does this make me look fat?
Who makes you laugh the most: Maya and Lauren
Who makes you smile: Maya mostly. All my friends in their own way.
Who gives you a funny feeling when you see them: Maya, butterflys just like a first date.
Who do you have a crush on: Maya. Didn't they alreay ask this one?
Who has a crush on you: No clue.

Do you ever...
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone to IM you: I used to sit around and check my Buddy list waiting for Maya or someone else to talk to to come online. I don't pull all nighters online.
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: Yes, so I could gain some insight into their very complex mind.

Number
Of times I have had my heart broken: I dunno. Twice in my life I have cried because of a girl.
Of hearts I have broken: Hopefully never. I know I kinda disappointed one person because I help back because of how we were defined. I regret it.
Of continents I have lived in: one, was made in another though.
Of tight friends: Hmm... I don't know. How tight is tight?
Of cds I own: Not tons, a small collections of ones that I love.
Of scars on body: ~4

I am so tired. I got < 4 hours sleep last night. I was up late doing homework for my stupid software engineering class. I had to reformate a bunch of source code, write a test for the code, and redo the entire class diagram of our software. Plus I had reading questions to do. At 4pm today I have a Bioengineering midterm. I don't think it is going to go hard. I am just going to look over the power point slide a little before hand.

But seriously between school and all the drama that was been going on in my life, I am drained. By the time I go to bed each night I have no physical or mental energy. Then sometimes I have early classes (Thuesday Thursday 8am), so i don't get a full 8-9 hours of sleep. I need a vacation, either back to WC to chill with homies or to somewhere else relaxing.

You know what is the strangest new show on TV? Distraction on Comedy Central. Such a funny and odd show. If you haven't heard of it, they ask the contestants fairly easy trivia while, you guessed it, trying to distract them. On the last episode, the second game they had professional stunt people breaking stunt glass bottles over the contestants heads every time they rang in. For the final game, they put them in a phone booth. Every time they got an answer right they were joined by a flabby naked person >_<. First person with five flabby naked people stuffed into the phone booth with them won a brand new car. The did some other funny stuff to. Such an odd show, strangley ammusing.

Today's dog of the day: English Setter

oh yeah. I tried to tell most people on my buddy list but I probably forgot people. My new screenname in thinkingorange. ignore this message if you already were informed (a couple months ago I think).

*yawn* I can't wait for a break from school. Sick and tired of most my classes. Between classes and everything else that has been going on I am physically and mentally drained by the end of the day. I need to go on a trip or something, some where away from all my worries and cares. Laying on a beach (in the shade) listen to the waves break. Just sleeping there for hours one end (with lots of sun screen). Maya maybe you can answer this, would it be possible for a human to hibernate? I would love to just go into hibernation until school and everything else just blows over.

Last night was by biology midterm. It think I did well on it. Biology is an interesting subject, though I wouldn't want to really go into it because I am not big on memorizing lots of words. But the field itself, especially biotechnology is facinating. The last two weeks in the bioengineering half of the class we learn about the bioengineering behind making beer, wine, and sake. Very useful for a college student right ;) No no I haven't done any drinking yet. Maybe one day I will get a bunch of beer and get tottally smashed. I wonder what I would be like drunk? probably more normal. I am already a pretty messed up person as it is. At least that is what I hear. Sorry for the negative comment about myself, haven't had much of a reason to or possitive reinforcement to think otherwise. Come to think of it only one person has said a anything possitive about me for a while. Lauren said I was a cool person. *shrug* Disclaimer: I am not fishing for comments or asking for anyones pitty. It is just something I realized. There is probably a reason for it: me. Not much to say anything nice about. ohwell. I am sure one day I will find some women desperate enough. The woman I love isn't that desperate.

Today's dog on my calander is a Great Dane. Not the cutest dog in the world, he is no Weefle or Willie. But he does have a BIG funny nose.

In other news Maya asked me to be her Senior Project mentor which will be fun. I get to spread the joy that is computers. Plus any chance to chill with my homie M is cool. AND YES I WILL DO MY BEST TO OBEY RULES #1. yeeeee of little faith.

Good luck on you finals all. Maya send me over aim a copy of you gov thingy. I love watching high school video projects. haha. funnnay stuff. Ok stomach is say "get off you lazy $%@ and get ready for class." Later all.

Real men don't cry... therefore I am no man.

I feel small. A fly on the wall. In insignificant nothing. There are moment when I just want to curl up into a ball and fade out of existence. Sometimes I just can't take it anymore. It is the scariest feeling in the world to tottally close control of you mind. It is said love maddens. If you only realize just how true that really is. This is taking every ounce of physical, emotional, and mental strength I have to keep a limited level on sanity. I am afraid that one day I just might lose it completely. If that happens put me somewhere where the walls are soft. Somewhere where I won't hurt myself or others.

I am sorry for being weak.

What should a man do when his mind is ready to explode? Lose it or relieve it.

Am I being to intraspective? Am I over analysis the situation? Am I taking this whole thing too seriously?