Well some people may have heard about this, but I want to make sure people aren't thinking the wrong things: I love you maya. Short and sweet, just like you. I look foward to a day when we might once again be together. In the mean time I am glad we can be friends. Thank you.

So ends the most intensive week of my life. Highest highs, the lowest lows. Sometimes boths at the same time. Bittersweat. Life is never fair. Life played a cruel trick on me. Life showed me who I love more than anything else if the world, the person I would do anything for, the person who life I value above mine. But it happened at probably as wrong a time as possible. This is what I mean by the highest highs, and the lowest lows. I must have done something really bad in a previous life or something. It is amazing how a two month difference in timing if the different between heavenly bliss and deep depressing feelings. Life *bittersweet chuckle*. I thank life for showing me what it is like to truly 100% love someone. I hate life for doing it when it did. This has been really hard on me and I know it has been hard for the person I love. There are times when I don't know how long I can't stand this. There are times when I would wait forever. So I guess what it really eatting me is this large disparity in feelings inside me. It is like putting matter and anti-matter together. This causes the matter to self annihilate. I feel like there are two halfs of me, tottally opposite in feelings. It is scary, I am scary of what is going to happen because I don't know what is going to happen. Who knows, tommorrow this could be all over or it could last a life time. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to feel. So I guess I say to you all, I am sorry that life has played this cruel trick on me. I don't know how I am going to react at time going on. I will have unpredictable behavior. I will try to be strong, though I need friends to help me. I can't do this alone. All I can promise everyone is that I will do my best to keep my sanity. There are many different outcomes to this, all of which are possible. The two general outcomes that I will pursue are ones to which I can be true to my feeling. Yes I will pursue being with the person I love. But I will also pursue making her happy in any way possible. They only thing I can do it try and aim for ones I think are the best. So ends the most life changing week every. I am not sorry I love you, I am just sorry I didn't fully realize it until now. I once again want to apolgise to zach. I know how I would feel in your shoes.

Well there is much more that can be said but I think I will leave it at this. I love you maya and I love being your friend. If we never get back together I still want to be your friend. You still give me butterflys.

James

Hell yeah!! Bow down to your god!!

My school schedule in case ne1 is interested.

I haven't been to the movies in a while probably for a few reasons. 2004 Brought us a number of good movies. Here are a few of my favorites:

The Incredibles - Killer animation, unique plot. Just loads and loads of fun.

Garden State - I saw this movie only because my friends were seeing it but I ended up really liking this movie. Was kinda a independent movie which I liked. I dunno, something about it kind stuck a chord with me. Maybe it was the hot Natalie Portman. Maybe the was the main character, who I really connected with in the movie. Not that I am on like a 100 drugs like him, but something about him I identified with. If you haven't seen that movie you should. I just downloaded it today. I can AIM it to anyone who wants it.

Ray - Jamie Fox did a pimp job with it. I like Ray Charles' music. The way the sings it and how much of himself he put into the music is amazing. A movie everyone should see. I am going to try and download it later.

Miracle - Great true story wonderfully portayed. I love how they did you fake hockey in it. The hockey was real and convincing. One of my favorite touches they added to the movie was near the end when the Miracle happened they had the actual famous announcer call. I thought that was really cool of them. It was the actual recording, not an imiation. Plus, HOCKEY, what more do you need. I want to buy or download this movie.

That is all the movies I recall seeing and liking. Could anyone remind me of others?

I am bored. I am just sitting here listening to latin jazz. Kinda lost interest in a lot of things at the moment.

I wonder what I would look like buff. Wonder what it would be like to havea total reset of my life. Change everything about myself. The whole works. Body, mind, spirt. I know I say all the time how I am damn proud to be a geek. And it is true there are a lot of things I like about being a geek. People are always in need of us for fixing stuff. Geeks make good friend. Nerdy women are the BEST!! Though I do fully admit my life is far from perfect. I many situations I lack self confidence. I times I can be really lazy but at times I can be fiecrely competative. I hate losing. I find something I like and stick with it wears out. For example my shoes. I find one pair of shoes I like and wear them until they fall off. I find something that is very fun and play it until I am bored with it. But until I am bored with it that is THE thing. I get like that with games. I buy a game played it a bunch at the expense of hw and other stuff sometimes. Then I get bored with it and never play it again. I don't like leaving something alone until I am done with it. I know that sound strange comming from someone who is often extrememly lazy. I am just wierd like that. If I could change one thing about me, I would believe in myself more. My lack of that I feel can/has affected people close to me. Sorry about that yo. I think sometimes people relate inaction to lack of desire to do something. In my mind they are separate.

On a totally different subject, last nights wynton m. concert was pimpn'!! I couldn't find anyone to go with. David and Victor were both busy. The place was nearly full!! which is an amazing thing if you have ever seen our theater. That place is HUGE. The person who sat to my right smelled :( Saw some people I knew, people from band even a few of the proffessors I have had. Our jazz band director was there. He is funny. He was were like sport coat and slacks and all, and wearing SANDALS.haha he is a wierd person. But a cool director and really good piano player.

Tomorrow doggie on my doggie calander is a really cute mutt with a bird sitting on its head!!! I miss my puppy!! I need the puppy loving. Doggies help me get out of bad moods.

You know what is fun to do sometimes? read old old bloggy posts. Interesting to see how much people have changed or haven't changed. Boy I must be bored (or borING).

Currently listen to me favorite latin jazz cd. This is my absolute favorite cd to listen two when things aren't going my way. Especially the last two songs by Mario Bauza. Bolero. Mambo. Two of my favorite songs of all time. Bolero is a trombone feature :-D!!! I want to play that song.

I only got like 2 hours of sleep last night. I think I ate something bad. My stomach was feeling icky which made it hard to fall asleep.

I am sorry I screwed up. You did nothing wrong. I was all my fault. Forgive me?

I am scared as hell.

I thought I give you a little big on what I have been learning this past week in school, since I can't think of anything else to write. In Software Engineering we have been learning a lot about different testing techniques. White box, Black box, Unit tests, System test, Integration testing, and others. Testing software is important because you don't want is messing up on the customer. In chemistry we have been studing Entropy, Enthapy, and Gibbs free energy. Weird crazy crap. In Jazz we looked that afrocentrism, the idea what Jazz is African American music, and only the can play true jazz. We are going to have to write a paper on it sometime. In Bioengineering, in the Bio half, we looked last time at DNA and all that crap, int he engineering half we looked at the engineering behind fermentation processes. What that is what has been up in my classes this past week. Tonight we are having a lan party here, a nice break from the normal routine around here. On monday I am going to a jazz concert, just need to find someone to go with, David can't go, but I haven't ask victor yet. David got a Wok which he used last night to make stirfry. Don't tell him, but it wasn't that great. I am not a big fan of eggplant and tofu. Crap we forgot to watch the Daily show last night, oh well. Bye Bye.

After browsing other people's blogs, I have come to the conclusion that mine is the most boring of them all. Gratz to me. I don't (can't) write deep meaningfull looking into my soul. Write a poem or story or essay. All I ever do is talk about how boring my life is. See I am doing it agian. This week hasn't really been very exciting. Go to class, come back, eat, do hw, play games, sleep. That is how everyday works.

In case you were wondering was has been asboring all my free time here are some Screenshots I took.

Well the first week of class is over so I thought I would review. CPE206 kinda sucks for various reasons. Chem124 is going to be a crap load of work. Bio/Engr213 shouldn't be too bad if I can stay awake in that class. MU221 Jazz Styles is going to be ok. Not a lot of hw in the class plus the topic intersted. I expect to give this quarter a C rating at the end. Oh well thats life. Nothing new social wise to report either.

Ok end of my second day of class. Today I had CPE206 Software Engineering II at 8am (too early). It kinda sucked. Half of our team isn't taking the class, so we had to merge with another group. The other group is kinda annoying, and we are out numbered 5 to 3. So yeah, basically we have to do everything their way. It sucks because we had such an awesome group before. We had great chemistry and we functioned very well as a team. Oh well that is life. That class ended at 11am and I didn't have class again until 4pm. So I sat around, watched tv, and playead World of Warcraft (an MMORPG). My 4pm class was the Biology part of BIO/ENGR 213 Bioengineering. Maya you would have felt right at home in the class. The teacher seems pretty cool. He can rattle off bio terms like crazy. He has a PhD. in Biology and has done post-doctoral work. It is in a lecture hall, about 150 people. Well that is about all I have to report. This is the Trombone King signing off.

Well I am done with my first day of school. Lets review. My first class today was Chem124. It is a little bit larger class, about 60 people. The instructor seems cool. He has a PhD in Chem, but seems young. hehe. Should be a good class. My next class was Jazz Styles. I think I will do ok in that class and it should be interesting. Oh yeah and I also learned in that class that the instructor (who is the jazz band director) speaks japanesse. kinda cool. really random. Then I had Jazz Band, then Wind Orchestra. We get to have that cool Lithuanian guy conduct us again. he is great. Ruldolf. Tons of energy, cool accent. Well that is a pretty full day. I will post again tomorrow with another review of class. until then.